Through Children's Eyes

At my house you have to be careful around my dad. He likes things a certain way. Sometimes he is nice. Other times he is mean. My mom and I try to be very good so he doesn't get mad. I hate when he gets mad. When he gets mad my mom gets scared. Sometimes he hurts her and she cries. One time she went to the hospital! Oh, I wish we could be better, so dad wouldn't get so angry. But, it never seems to work.

Each year, an estimated three to ten million American children witness violence in their own homes. The Domestic Violence Center encounters many of these children in their programs. Just as the above paragraph portrays, children often feel that the violence is their fault. In reality, they are the "silent" and unfortunate victims in the middle of a raging storm that is beyond their control or understanding. Children, living in a violent home, are confronted with many confusing and hurtful images:

• My baby sister was knocked out of my mother's arms when my parents were fighting.

          I think she hurt her head. It is black and blue.

• I saw my dad make my moms lip bleed and then bring her flowers the next day

• My mom's boyfriend made threats to hurt me so my mom wouldn't call the police
• All the neighborhood kids saw my dad get taken away in a police car last night
• My step-dad made me stay at his house to get my mom to come back to him
• I found my mom crying at the bottom of the stairs and I didn't know what to do
• When my dad is drunk he tries to get me to make fun of mom the way he does
• My mom's boyfriend asks me a million questions about what mom does when he's not around.

          It makes me uncomfortable.

• I had to live in a shelter and go to a different school where I didn't know anyone.

          I hated leaving my friends. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Why does this have to happen?

When a family experiences domestic violence, the customary system of adult protection and care breaks down. In healthy family relationships the parents are advocates for the children in the face of violence. However, when the perpetrator is in the home, the child may have no where to turn for refuge from this trauma.

Numerous clinical studies have yielded evidence of the negative psychological, behavioral and emotional impact of family violence on children of all ages. For example, imagine what it would be like for a child to concentrate on school-work when the child's thoughts constantly drift to the horror you witnessed at home the night before. A Carnegie Council report on adolescent development in 1995 found that domestic abuse and neglect account for the majority of developmental problems that children face in this country.

If you were lucky enough to grow up in a violence-free home, imagine how drastically different your life would be if you would have had a parent who hurt the other, and you in the process. As an infant you may have had trouble establishing the normal attachments and routines. When you were as a preschooler you would have suffered sleep disturbances. In your school years, you may have become withdrawn and depressed, and as a teenager you might have succumbed to, or acted out the violence you experienced as a child. Attention is now being drawn to the plight of child from violent homes. Intervention must begin early, in order to prevent the cycle of violence from continuing.